Doomsday Clock Ticks Closer to Midnight—Because Why Not?

World Scientists Confirm: Humanity is Speedrunning Its Own Extinction

In a move that surprised absolutely no one except that one guy still living off the grid in Montana, scientists have updated the Doomsday Clock once again, nudging us ever closer to a fiery, chaotic end. The clock, originally created in 1947 by scientists who were apparently both brilliant and deeply pessimistic, measures how close we are to global catastrophe—a concept now casually referred to as "Tuesday."

The clock has been adjusted over the years based on humanity’s ability to make questionable decisions at an alarming rate. Originally focused on nuclear annihilation, the Doomsday Clock now factors in an excitingly diverse range of threats, including climate change, artificial intelligence, pandemics, and billionaires trying to launch themselves (and their egos) into space.

How Close Are We in 2025?

According to experts—who, let’s be honest, probably had to take breaks just to cry—this year’s update isn’t looking great. While they haven’t yet set the clock to “just put your affairs in order,” they have confirmed that we are teetering uncomfortably close to the apocalypse, with about as much stability as a Jenga tower in an earthquake.

“This is an urgent call to action,” said one scientist, adjusting their tinfoil hat. “Unfortunately, humanity has responded with the same level of enthusiasm as a cat being asked to take a bath.”

Can We Turn Back Time? (No, Cher, We Can’t)

While some optimists believe there’s still a chance to push the clock back, others argue that it’s more likely we’ll just develop a Doomsday Clock NFT instead. World leaders have promised to take action, which history suggests means they will hold a summit, shake hands, and agree to discuss the crisis again next year.

In the meantime, experts advise citizens to take meaningful steps toward saving the planet—such as eating less meat, consuming less energy, and making at least one billionaire uncomfortable on social media per week.

So, while scientists continue to move the hands of the Doomsday Clock, the real question is: will humanity step up to the challenge? Or will we keep treating the end of the world like a sequel we didn’t ask for but are too lazy to cancel?

Stay tuned. If we make it to 2026, we’ll update you again!!